My resolutions

So, in order to understand why I chose my resolutions, you should know more about me.

I have issues; physical and psychological. Insomnia and OCD being the main psychological ones and a back injury and a kidney disease being the main physical ones.

My Insomnia makes my sleep schedule a mess. I can go days with no sleep and when I think I can sleep, I try to. So it could be two in the afternoon and if I manage to sleep it means that the next time I do feel tired can be sometime in the afternoon again. This can fall into a pattern and I’ll end up sleeping throughout the day when I manage to sleep, which means you miss a lot of stuff. However, I can’t know when I’ll feel tired and manage to sleep, so it can make it so I sleep all over the place, four in the afternoon or morning, it becomes hard to know. When it comes to the medication I take, it can turn me from an insomniac to a narcoleptic, in the area of how long it can make me sleep. I can still have trouble getting to sleep even with all the medication, but once I get to sleep I can sleep for 30 hours, although thankfully that’s when I take a lot of medication on days when I am in a lot of pain. So between not sleeping for 5 days only to crash under lack of sleep and medication I can end up sleeping for 30 hours and missing the next day.

My OCD is worse. Sometimes I can’t even do a simple thing without it taking an hour. Examples:
1. Locking a door, how many times do I unlock and lock it? Too many, upwards of 30 or 50 times. I know it’s locked, but I have to do it, even if I know I’m being silly.
2. I have a twitch, but it’s conscious, my OCD compels me to do it. I know I do it, I know it’s not logical like I need to do it, but I’ll still do it.
3. When I write I sometimes can’t get through a paragraph without the lines needing to be an odd number, so I’ll add, take away or change a word to make it so the number of lines on the paragraph is odd. Sentences are the same, the number of words has to be odd. It gets worse with touch typing, for example, “I am writing this sentence.”, I will have to write it without looking at the keyboard, if I make one mistake, I have to delete it and start again and it can take me 30 minutes to write a sentence when it’s fairly long and/or contains a long word with lots of different characters. So this sentence I’m writing right now, if I mess up once, I will delete it all and start again. How many times can this happen for one sentence? Up to 35 times, I have counted. As a result, I have gotten good at touch typing now.
4. With reading I can be stuck on a sentence or paragraph for 15 minutes because I read it wrong, my OCD won’t let me continue until I’ve read it again. I need to read it perfectly, the grammar needs to be perfect, the commas and periods needs the right pause, each word needs to be pronounced perfectly and the dialogue needs to sound different for each character and sound like what is being described, if they are scared, they need to sound it, if they are angry, they need to sound it, if they are happy, they need to sound it, if any of these go wrong, if there is too short or long a pause for a comma or period, etc., if I pronounce a word wrong, if I don’t give the character the right voice, I will have to read it again from the start of the paragraph or sentence.
You may be wondering why there is not always an odd number of words in the paragraphs or sentences. This is because I pick random ones to do it, I will be writing a few sentences and then the current one I’m writing I’ll be like “This has to be odd.” That can carry on for 10 sentences or the whole thing. Usually, I have to take a break, come back later on. It’s strange how and when it usually strikes, certain things I always do, others can be random.

That’s just the mental problems, I have physical problems too. I have had chronic pain for 3 years. I have a back injury and a kidney disease. The back injury is a slipped disc which crushed my nerves, so I have trouble walking and sends electric shocks up my back every now and then. The kidney disease is something which will cause my kidneys to fail but it affects people differently, so, it could fail in one month or five years. I’m managing them as best I can. I take medication, I take painkillers and other specific medication to help me manage.

My plan is to make resolutions that I can do. No sense in making one which I can’t do due to one of my conditions. I can’t run, or rather if I did, I could do 10 seconds before I’d be in too much pain. So it would be pointless to add in running or heavy weight lifting or something like that.

Thinking about it, I have come up with five.

01. Walk at least one step a day out of the house.
02. Manage my conditions as best I can.
03. Write more.
04. Get through my books.
05. Work on my site.

Walk at least one step a day out of the house

My first resolution is simply to walk at least one step a day out of the house. Walking one step a day is easy, you do it when you get out of bed. By making it so I will be walking outside the house means I will be motivated to walk more than one step as I will already be ready to go outside and it would be pointless just to walk one step to turn around and go back. I will be getting some exercise, I’ll be helping my back and I’ll be getting outside.

Manage my conditions as best I can

I’ve been told there is no cure for Insomnia or OCD. The best you can do is manage them. So that is what I’m going to do, manage them so they don’t make my life more difficult than it needs to be, that it can make my life even the littlest bit easier.

Write more

I like to write, I have ideas for all sorts of stories, so I’m going to try and write a little every day.

Get through my books

I’ve a lot of books. I will try to get through as much as I can. If I read 20 pages of a book a day, that means that I can read a 200 page book in ten days. I can even read two books at a time, to try and get through them. I’ll be aiming between 20 to 30 pages a day.

Work on my site

I have a website, http://www.splitbreakfracture.com, I’ll be trying to keep it updated with reviews, podcasts and stories.

That’s my resolutions for this year. I’ll be using the blog as a way to keep track of my progress and motivate myself.

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